No one warned me to bring tissues

Just 2 days back, I brought Xi En to a new pediatrician (PD) and after running through the history, the PD made a comment: “You experienced it all”.

“Huh?” I muttered.

“Oh-ya, He came a long way” was my next answer, thinking that the PD was referring to Xi En’s growing up years.

“No, you experienced it all. He won’t remember much of it” the PD reiterated

That’s when I stopped answering. I knew if I speak further, the tears will come. The memory bank with all the growing up journey of a preemie can bring down a storm.

But he’s quite right, we are the one who have experienced it all; a full weight of experience. It’s not easy; but then it’s not all too tough either. Compared to many others, we are blessed. Very blessed to have Xi En; without any lasting issues of his prematurity. If not for his bony built, most would not ask about his birth weight and story.

Now that’s not the story on tissues.


It was just a day before Xi En’s pre-school concert. He missed school on that day after waking up with a nose bleed, blocked nose, cough and the whole works.

After 2 visits to 2 different doctors (a Chinese one for Chinese herbs and a Western one for symptom medicine) and a full day of rest, we thought he would be well enough to perform at the concert.

But it seemed not so. After a long struggle, he slept at 430am and woke up at 8am on the day itself.

I am not sure if it’s pre-performance jittery or the effect of medicine.

He cited unwell reasons to absent himself from the afternoon concert. And he is sleepy. And he won’t be able to blow his nose while he danced on stage. And and and………

That are all facts which are undeniably true.

But we refused to give in….

Because after medication, Doctor Quack (aka. his Mom) said he is well to go for it.

Because we know that he might be finding an easy way out.

Because it is a battle he needs to fight on his own.

I thought I needed to bring guns and swords to force him to go out of the house. But surprising, after a shower, we were out of the house without much of a struggle.

Upon reaching the school hall, he was hurried into the backstage by the teachers before I managed to rattle off to his minders that he needs to blllloooowwwww his noooooosssseeeeee……….

Sigh… the endless worry warts a mommy has.


It is Xi En’s very first pre-school concert. He missed last year’s as he was really unwell with stomach flu.

We were determined that he don’t miss it this year. Not that we need to watch it. Not that we need to see him dance or sing. Not all that.

We want him to experience the fruit of his labor. All the practice hours and rehearsal put in just for a performance… He needs to see that as long as he persist and persevere, he can do it.

And he totally didn’t fail himself (and us).

Doesn’t matter if the dance moves were not coordinated;

Doesn’t matter if some steps were missed;

Doesn’t matter if he looks somewhat dazed out;

It was the most awesome performance I have ever seen in my life. THE VERY BEST!

And for this; no one warned me to remember to bring tissues.

My handsome young man is all grown up; it’s all too fast since his début to this world at 1.27kg some 5 years back.

He has come a long way and we are just so glad we “experienced it all” together with him.

Thank you darling for the perseverance to finish the performance. Daddy and Mommy has no words to describe how proud we are of you. * 2 thumbs up*! 🙂

photo 1

And we know we are not the only parent who felt that way; just by the most resounding claps in the theater; beaming faces and wolf-whistles; every seat is a proud parent/grandparent. 🙂

Way to go little fellow! Next year, I will remember to bring some tissues.

P1010762

The Real; The Fake; The Ups and The Low-downs

I believe this is a stage that most bloggers will encounter. More so if you are blogging about your young children. You start questioning if your blog is 1) relevant; 2) too fake; too impersonal; 3) too real; too dangerous.

I have been blogging since 2009; on and off but more regularly so during the last 2 years when I joined the Singapore Mom Bloggers (SMB) group. My interest in blogging was piqued by my cousin who had a blog and shared interesting motherhood and education details about her daughter. I was facing an extremely difficult first pregnancy then and besides my hubby (and God); no one else seemed to be able to understand what we were going through. I started the blog partly out of boredom (being confined to bed rest) and a desire to find an outlet to express my thoughts. 5 years ago, the usage of smart phones weren’t as rampant as now and thus the idea of social media platforms were not as widely utilised too. Blogs were more “in” then. 🙂

Fast forward 5 years on, this blog had documented another challenging 2nd pregnancy and another miraculous birth of my 2nd boy. I am also blessed with opportunities to review products/attend events especially after joining SMB. One of my colleagues asked me if I am a “semi-famous blogger”! haaa.. I like that honesty. I am not famous; let alone “semi-famous” just because of advertorial activities. The aim of this blog had never changed and it is to provide an avenue of encouragement, empathy and sharing with mummies who might be going through difficult pregnancies; especially with PPROM conditions. It is a quiet objective working its way in a few moms-to-be lives which I had came across these 5 years. PPROM is a condition not commonly encountered in the Asia region and thus support is less available. I have women contacting me via my blog/emails to share about their predicament and we try to share notes and encouragement through the cyberspace. I have never met most of these women; but my heart ache every single time I received an email searching for answers and help. I was in their shoes before and I know it takes another who went through it to cry, to feel and to pray with them. The emotional struggles often outweigh the physical discomfort. Majority of these babies made it to preterm births; but yes, there are those who did not. There is no nicer way to put this; except it’s the truth. Whenever one such lady lost contact with me, I won’t pursue the contact either; because I know they need time and my experiences might not be relevant anymore. Times like this made me hug my boys tighter; give them extra kisses because I know they are miracles in our lives which we are extremely thankful for.

Dr Seuss

Putting the tears aside, this blog had seen happy times too! The many milestones my boys went through; their funny antics and our growing journey with them. Sometimes I am worried about the danger of putting them too much in the dangerous world of internet crimes. Hmmm…. too much concerns might lead to no action. But I try to practise some safety measures; e.g. sometimes an instagram photo is from yesterday and not where we are exactly at that moment. Unless there is requirement to blog/share from immediate locations, I try not to do so till we are almost leaving the place or already left.

There had been a series of blogs in the blogging sphere discussing about the “real life” behind the smiley faces in blogs. I asked my hubby this question just a few days back: “Is my blogging persona similar to my real-life persona?” Without any hesitation, he said “No; you are quite different in both lives”. *Ouch* Though I know to a certain extent I am different in “reel life” vs “real life”, to hear it said in your face, it is like a slap on your face huh? But the smarter hubby went on to elaborate (and maybe do some damage control!) that most, if not all bloggers will only share certain portions of their lives; not every single details. Most will share only areas which they are comfortable in sharing. For example, my hubby is an extremely private person and in respect for that, I choose not to share (too much) of him and us on the blog or social media. Sometimes (teasingly of course) I used it as threats towards him if he said or do something unkind to me or the situation. “That which you said is going on Facebook!” hahhaa.. For the records, It worked as a tease but not on quarrels-mode. 😛

The “chameleon nature” of a woman; don’t ruff her feathers! hehehe.

Gif of me

The smarter hubby also shared that many messages are similar/the same. It’s the way it is presented that will attract attention, readership and support. For example during the U.S. election, Obama and Mccain both wanted the same thing for U.S. But if you listen to both men’s speeches, one cannot deny that Obama is much more engaging and captivating vs a boring; pragmatic Mccain. That’s the power of charisma in my opinion. No one wants to listen to a boring speech; likewise on one likes to read boring blogs just sharing run-of-the-mill stories. And that’s how “unreality” sometimes set in. My life is not that interesting; just a mommy running after 2 boys and trying to juggle a work-family-life balance. But what make it interesting is the experiences I went through while finding a foothold in that balance beam. It is not that rosy pictures always; but I prefer to send across messages of hope, peace and life rather than chaos and doomsday. Just like most mommies, I face struggles and challenges in marriage, society, bringing children, extended family relations, church-life and more. But to publicly put those struggles on the blog is something I still struggle with today. Till my “smarter” hubby reminded me that no matter how “real” a blogger looks like on a blog, there are private things/moments which one does not readily want to share and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, the blogging/social media persona might be a way to hide the real person. I have met bloggers whom I thought are “atas”; proud and inconsiderate of others’ feelings but in real person, they are just harmless commoners like me and you who might just need a little assurance or security. Similarly, I met those who I thought are “colourful” and full of ideas on their blogs, but in real person, they look so cold and unapproachable. :S

But then again, many people’s first impression of me is that I look conceited and is a proud person (at least my one person thinks that way: my hubby!). But give me a chance lah; most whom I count as close friends will know that I warm up easily after the ice is broken and you might not be able to stop me from yakking (and gesticulating) nonstop!

This is part of a musing going through my restless mind; nothing super concrete. Just part of me trying to refocus on objective of blogging; this blog and trying to brush up on my writing skills too. If you happened to bump into us on the street, please do say Hi or a virtual “hi” is very welcomed too. 🙂 I promise a smile and a handshake ok! Encouragement works both ways ya; bloggers need some little dosages of it too! 🙂 

Balance

I wanna spend my life with you

29th April 2006

The day we say “I do”

Happy wedding anniversary to my husband of SEVEN years and boyfriend of NINE long years!

The creative musician in him created some lovely memories during our church wedding reception.

p.s: He only took 2 introductory Mandarin courses in uni. *clap* *clap*

Dug out a really old & poor quality video of a young and handsome man some 7 years ago:

“I wanna spend my life with you””

The lyrics:

We stick together like the birds in the sky

with the feathers flown high with you

We stick together like the flour in the pie

like the apple strudel pie you like

I wanna spend my life with you

with you I won’t be blue

I love to hold your hands & walk thru’ this life till the day becomes night with you

我们像天空里的彩虹
它颜色合起来真的很奇妙
我们像文东记的鸡贩
没黑酱油味道会有点奇怪
我很想陪半你一生
永远在你身边
我喜欢看到你的笑容
请我天天来照顾你

I wanna spend my life with you

with you I won’t be blue

I had been waiting for this day & my life for the time you say I do

for the time you say I do.

But of course, it’s not all that rosy and cosy all the time. I like the following quote I stole off a friend’s FB status update: (how true! heh…)

marriage

But dearie 🙂 :

wedding photo

HAPPY 7th Wedding Anniversary Kim! *Love u*