Week 20 to 21: In and Out .. of hospital

Yes.. I was in and out of hospital again this week. Cause: Heavy bleeding and cramps (AGAIN). Kim had to rush me into hospital in the middle of the night after we called gyn for her advice. As usual, got a jab and rested in bed. Some nurses recognised me – “didn’t you just left??” – yes.. I gave a tired smile. What do you want me to say? “I missed you all; so I am back to visit earlier than expected?” ok.. me and my grumpy attitude coming out. 

I don’t understand – I didn’t stepped out of my house, I didn’t move much at home, I didn’t do anything wrong!!!!! WHY?? Why must this happen to me time and time again? It is really one emotional roller coaster – not just for me but for Kim and mum as well. Of course, we are exhausted; but we are reminding bb everyday to stay strong and healthy – we love him and we can’t wait to see him (not too early of course!).

 

This time round.. there isn’t any novelty in a hospital stay anymore. The food doesn’t taste as great anymore… think I am just “over” it – I wanna go home! boo boo… 😦

 

Lots of friends are reminding me to stay positive and think happy thoughts. I am; I am trying.

A friend just told me that her little girl was down with hfmd recently but all she wanted to do was to play! haa.. this reminded me that actually kids are really innocent and most of the time do not see problems the same way as adults. They possess a sense of innocence and “care-free-ness” in them to actually overcome the sicknesses or problems without magnifying them.

I realised this is the same as the little one in me. Though this is not the first time I am experiencing severe bleeding and cramps; it always seemed that he is perfectly fine (kicking and moving actively) whenever gyn does a scan during our “emergencies”. It seemed that he is oblivious to what is going on around his “house”!! Whatever bleeding, whatever placenta detachment, whatever cramps – he always looked so happy swimming in his “pool”! When his parents are worried sick, he never failed to comfort them with his innocence. 🙂

 

Yes, stay positive, think happy thoughts, look at happy babies’ pictures, remind my little one to stay strong and healthy. 🙂

 

 

praying boy

my all time fav pic - i titled it "the praying boy"

 

 

Week 19+

Psalm 139 (New King James Version)

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.

3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,

And are acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.

5 You have hedged me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.

 

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”

Even the night shall be light about me;

12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

 

13 For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

 

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I awake, I am still with You.

 

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!

Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.

20 For they speak against You wickedly;

Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred;

I count them my enemies.

 

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting.


baby_hand

Week 19 – scorching desert

I have finally arrived at the half way mark of my pregnancy.  BUT it seemed a long long long time already! Not sure if any preggies feel the same as I do – but maybe ‘cos my pregnancy seemed plagued with issues… 😦  

I am back to R.I.B this week. REST IN BED – the gyn said. Episodes of bleeding came back again and I am back to the usual regime of injections, resting, not moving and restless nights. Difference is that maybe I am more “prepared” and know what to do/expect. Nonetheless, these issues never fail to worry me still.

During one of my sleepless nights, I dreamt that I was in a scorching desert – desperately looking for an oasis, some water to quench my thirst. Thirst for normalcy , thirst for a refreshing swim in an ocean. I am just so “burnt” by the ongoing stress my body is subjecting BB and me to. More emotional than physical I guess.

I prayed God – let me return to my feet again – let me soar again… don’t scare me anymore. 

 

1044341_jump_into_water